Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
