My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
