when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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