try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
