I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she woke up with a sticky ear
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
