I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
