I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
