when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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