yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
