no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
