She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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