Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
