I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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