so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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