You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
