Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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