It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
