I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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