Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
