Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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