make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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