talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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