Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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