Do you still have your period?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
