how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
