It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize