I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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