im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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