I look better un-naked...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
