Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
love makes seman taste better
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
