So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
