were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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