I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
