Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
