i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
