I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
