I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
