It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
