Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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