I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
