remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
