I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
