everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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