capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
