she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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