Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
