I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
