I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
