worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
