TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
