By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
