I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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