Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
