You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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