I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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