He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
