so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
