And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
