Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
