I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
