I wish you could order shots online.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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