You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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