i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
