It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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