He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
