I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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