dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
